It is the first time for June to attend a Hari Raya celebration in Faizal’s house. Due to the hot weather, June wore only spaghetti strap and a pair of shorts to his house. In addition, it was a joyous occasion so June decided to buy some food to his house. June bought a packet of drumsticks and headed straight to Faizal’s house.
When Faizal opened the door, he was shocked to see June dressed so skimpily. He scolded June for her carelessness but forgave her for it as it was the June’s first time attending such a celebration. Then, when Faizal’s parents saw June in shorts, they shook their head and were really angry and Faizal was scolded by his parents. June felt sorry for her stupid mistake of dressing casually instead of dressing to the occasion. The misery did not stop right there for June. June presented the food to Faizal’s parents and to their utter disbelief, it was not Halal as they cannot find a Halal sign on the packaging. Faizal’s parents got so furious that they asked June to go home immediately. June felt so disappointed at her own actions that she cried and left the house.
From the above scenario, we have several things to take note. One is to know the culture and values of others. For June’s case, she should have asked Faizal whether wearing spaghetti strap and a pair of shorts is alright. She just takes it for granted that it is okay. In Malay tradition, girls should dress decently instead of skimpily because it is a sign of disrespect for the elderly. Secondly, she should have called and asked Faizal whether it was alright if she bought food that is not Halal. For Malays, they only eat food which are Halal. Halal means permissible. An animal or poultry has to be slaughtered in a ritual way known as Zibah then it can be considered Halal. If she had called and clarified with Faizal, this incident would not have happened. Lastly, June should not leave the house, instead she should apologize to Faizal and his parents and everything will be fine. In this way, it would repair the bad feelings between them.
Goodbye Goodluck...
15 years ago
7 comments:
Hey Gary!
I think it wasn't totally June's fault.(Well, your post sounded like it was entirely her fault..)
Faizal, as a host, shouldn't assume that his guests know what they should or should not wear. However, on the other hand, it is pretty much common sense that if anyone were to be invited for a joyous celebration, respect should be given to the host. In this case would be to call up and ask for the dress code and the food to buy.
I believe that it takes 2 hands to clap. So it means that June and Faizal both have to take responsibility of the issue.
If I were to be June, I would just take the safe option to at least wear casually i.e. t-shirt and jeans no matter how hot it is out there. (It is not as if we were not trained to survive under Singapore's weather!)
I think the best option to take before anything happens, is to communicate with one and other and not make assumptions.
Hi Gary, I think that June should have asked Faizal what she should dress as and what she should bring to the celebration.
When we attend a celebration hosted by a friend of another culture or race, we should make it a point to find out beforehand about the significance of the celebration and what kind of role a guest should play. Basically, do some research. With the convenience of the Internet, it should not be a problem.
We can also ask our parents who have gone to such events or interacted with other races and cultures about what can or cannot be done there. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Understanding and assimilating into another's culture is a form of respect.
Hi Gary,
I have been invited to an Indian friend's house for Deepavali celebrations before. Before attending the celebration, my group of Chinese friends and I consulted our other Indian friends for the appropriate dress code. We were unfamiliar with the practices and habits of Indians, hence it was only natural that we seeked advice so that we would not offend our Indian friend and her family.
Likewise, in June's case, she should have consulted other Muslim friends or Faizal regarding the dress code and the appropriate behavior for the occasion. This is a way of showing respect and awareness towards cultural differences in the multicultural nation.
It is to no surprise that Faizal's family was upset about June's dressing and the non-Halal food that she brought along. However, they could have been more tolerant of her ignorance and explained to her the significance of each issue in the Muslim culture.
In any case, however, June should not have left without apologising to Faizal and his parents.
Hi Gary, I don't think that June is totally at fault. No doubt June should have consulted Faizal on the dress code and not just wear what she deemed fit, but perhaps she was just not aware of the cultural differences between the Chinese and Malays. Since one learns from mistakes made, Faizal's parents should not have chided June, but instead, they should have explained to her about their cultural expectations. By doing so, it would prevent June from making the same mistake in future. Furthermore, June is a guest and they should have been more forgiving and accomodating as the hosts. By reprimanding their own son, they cause not only embarrassment to their son, who invited June, but also June as well, and this would definitely sour the friendship that the both of them share! Also, June bought drumsticks out of goodwill, so she should have at least be given some credit for that. Faizal's parents could have turned down her gift nicely after explaining to her their dietary restrictions. I personally feel that it is pretty rude of his parents to just give June the dressing down. Of couse, Junbe just made things worse by running out without apologising for her lack of understanding of their culture.
DOUBLE WHAMMY for poor June!
Well in my opinion, whenever you are invited to someone's place as a guest, always try to be presentable. It's basic respect for the host. Be it an Indian wedding, a Mardi Gras Party or even a Lady's Hen Night. A pair of jeans or a nice lady's skirt wouldn't hurt! Leave that shorts for the market, bbq or something!
I personally think it depends on how open-minded or conservative the family is. I think if June came to my house, my parents would shrug it off. Let's say you go to a house where the family is very particular, then you might attract some weird glances (not in pervert way but more in "Is that how you dressed when you go visiting?" )
I think Faizal shouldn't have scold June. And of course the whole 'chicken' fiasco was way out of line for the parents. As a host, you don't chase your guest away!
However, take my advice, whenever you go visiting, just stick to sweets, chocolates or best still, FRUITS!
They probably have enough chicken in the house since they are holding the party.
DO AS I DO! If you really want to experience the culture and immerse yourself, then wear their traditional costume. Borrow that Sari when you go to a Bangra Party, wear that Cheongsam top for CNY! Totally fun!
Hi Gary, I guess June must have felt very embarrassed when she was asked to go home by Faizal's parents.
I think it's very important to ask about dress code when invited to any occasions, especially when the other party is of a different race or culture. This prevents any unintentional mistakes done.
Faizal and his parents could also have handled the problem better. I feel that understanding plays an important part. It's the first time June is attending a Hari Raya celebration and so she may not be aware of the Malay culture. By explaining to her the practices and culture they have instead of reprimanding could prevent the awkwardness that take place.
Hi Gary, sorry for the late commenting..
Well, I have never had a chance to attend any Hari Raya celebration in friend's house. Thank you for blogging this story which actually helps me have a better understanding of Malay traditions. I might probably make the same mistakes as June if I was invited to Hari Raya celebration.
If June is a foreigner who was not brought up from a multicultural background such as Singapore, and unfamiliar with Malay tradition, the mistakes she had made are understandable. Since Faizal was the host in the event and he probably knew June quite well, he should be able to tell June about the dress code as well as the other particular Malay tradition. An effective communication between two of them before the celebration is very important. This will prevent any unpleasant misunderstanding to happen.
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